By Kristina (adoptive mom)

When I was asked by CAS to share a picture and testimonial about our adoption experience, I looked for a photo that was absolutely perfect. Our first family portrait together doesn’t fill the bill at all. We were in Moldova meeting our new son. The people who worked with us there were so helpful and capable that they sometimes seemed to be performing the impossible. We had an overall great experience there, but in this photo, we all look hot, confused, exhausted, and generally overwhelmed. But I wanted you all to see it anyway, not because it’s perfect, but because it’s not.

My husband, Richard, my daughter Mary Bell and I travelled to Chisinau, Moldova in August to adopt Vasile, now known as Elias Vasile. He was two and a half years old. We hadn’t initially applied to adopt in Moldova, and people sometimes ask me how we ended up in Moldova. I say that I don’t know why God put my kid In Moldova, but that’s where he was!

How We Met Our Son
In May, we had already completed our home study and were ready to consider referrals when we first saw Elias’ information on the CAS web site among the waiting children. He has a genetic condition that can cause benign tumors to grow throughout the body and frequently just below the surface of the skin, and can cause other health problems. It must be said that he also has a very affectionate manner, the charm of Valentino, and a killer smile. This kid oughtta be in the movies.

Anyhow, people wonder how we decided to adopt a boy with special needs, especially since our daughter by birth, six years old, was born very premature with a urinary birth defect (also genetic) and has struggled throughout her young life to catch up to her peers in many ways. I think that because we were already bringing up a child who faces some challenges, we had let go of the idea of perfect and embraced the reality of good–great, even. We had traded in our ideal of happiness for something better. Something deeper. Something like joy.

In fact, if you get to know the people in our portrait, you’ll find that we each have special needs. That we are not average, not typical. We don’t fit the mold. It turns out that nobody does. We all suffer from a genetic condition. Whether visible or invisible, we all bear the marks of imperfection. That is the human condition, and it’s terrific and it’s awful and it feels wonderful and it hurts like hell.

Perfect for Our Family
I believe that any adoption is a loving thing to do, and Richard and I didn’t set out to adopt looking for the toughest situation we could possibly get ourselves into, and we didn’t. When the time came, we requested Elias’ referral and medical information, and we pored over it night and day. We had it all evaluated by experts. We thought carefully over whether this decision was the right one for our family.

In that process, CAS put us in touch with Dr. David Douglass, a pediatrician who has himself adopted internationally. He said something we will always carry with us. He said that we would know when we reached the “point of no return,” having found the child who was right for our family. Dr. Douglass was right. We reached a point where we knew that Elias was our son, and there was no going back to living without him. By the time we met Elias, we could no more have left him in Moldova than we could have left our daughter in the neonatal nursery at the hospital. We didn’t bring them home because they were perfect. We didn’t bring them home because we were on a mission to save them. We brought them home because they were ours.

Our Family Now
Six months into being a family of four now, we have had evaluations done on Elias’ health by the very best medical and therapeutic experts we could access. He is healthy and happy and thriving with no serious problems related to his diagnosis. And he’s growing like crazy. Our daughter and he have made this huge life transition unbelievably well, and so have their parents. They are so close already and we know their bond will continue to grow. It has been difficult. It has been well worth the trouble.

OK, we aren’t perfect. But we’re perfect for each other.

The China Center for Children’s Welfare and Adoption (CCCWA) recently announced new requirements for post-adoption reports. These changes were implemented to insure the safety and well-being of children adopted internationally from China.

Previously, only two post-adoption reports were required by China. Now, six reports will be required at one month, six months, and twelve months after adoption and then at the second, third, and fifth year after adoption. Additionally, medical check-up certificates and teacher evaluations (if the child is school age) will need to be provided. If the child is over 10 years of age, he or she will also need to complete an one page essay. Each post-adoption report should also contain eight photos instead of four.

These changes only apply to families that traveled to China in August 2011 or after. CCCWA hopes that the new requirements will truly reflect the development of the adoptee and integration of the adoptive families.

If you have questions, contact Christie Young.

Written by Susan Fox, assistant director

By the time my son was 15 months old he knew the word, NO! However, he couldn’t say the word, yes. There was a certain tone of No, that meant No and there was a certain tone of No that meant Yes. It was frustrating for everyone. I had heard about using what’s called, Baby Signs and decided to try it. If anything to try to teach him the word, Yes. So I began making the sign for Yes and would repeatedly use the sign as I said the word Yes when he said is No sound for Yes. In no time, he was using the sign and then quickly started saying the word, Yes. We immediately started integrating some additional signs for simple, everyday things such as More, Yes, No, please, thank you.

Young Infants lack the fine motor skills required to form language. However, they do not lack the ability to get their message across to the adults caring for them; whether that is screaming, crying, tantrums, or grunts & pointing. Young infants DO, however, have the ability to communicate with their parents at a much earlier age than many realize.

When a toddler comes up to their parents doing the motion with his hands for Itsy Bitsy Spider, that child is telling his parents he wants to sing the song. The child is communicating with his parents through gestures. Children learn these songs very quickly when they involve hand and body motion. Research shows that many people, especially children learn through movement. It is the movement that makes the event memorable.

The SIGN with your BABY program was created by early childhood development researcher Joseph Garcia after spending some time with the family of a deaf friend. The family had a ten month old baby who was communicating with his parents using American Sign Language. After seeing this, Joseph made this the focus of years of research. As a result he found that hearing children can replicate signs as early as eight months of age. He also found that the signing children tended to have a better grasp of grammar, tenses and language in general.

The SIGN with your BABY system and others like it are based on American Sign Language. Parents are encouraged to utilize a few simple signs as gestures while they talk with their baby. A good example of this is the word, More. Talking with your child, parents tend to repeat words, make them “sing-songy” and that lovely goo-goo chatter we have with children. When you add the simple gesture for More in with this parent-child talk, children very quickly pick up on the gesture. A signing parent might sign “more” several times while they are verbally asking, “Do you want more? Baby want more, more more? Okay I’ll give you more” Babies who are taught signing get more exposure to each word being emphasized with a sign.

Since all people, babies included, learn through repetition, signing serves as a powerful educational tool. The parents who participated in Joseph’s study indicated that they experience reduced frustration and stronger bonds with their babies. It makes perfect sense for children adopted internationally! Many families who have adopted internationally are utilizing this great tool to help during the transition period while their child acquires English. This could be used with infants as well as older children; after all most of us use a few gestures while we are talking anyway. Signs for more, eat, milk, potty, and I love you are the most common. Parents can start slowly with some of the basic needs, depending on the age of their child and expand from there. When toddlers and children can replace some of their frustration from not being able to communicate with their new parents, families will find that it dramatically improves their relationship, adjustment and attachment with their adopted child.

Resources on using sign language with internationally adopted children:
Sign Language and International Adoption
Language Development and Internationally Adopted Children

If you live in NC, VA, or NJ and would like to learn more about adopting from Korea, we have the webinar for you. Why this program? Korea continues to be one of the most stable adoption programs offered today, young children are available, and the timeline is manageable.

Watch the Adopting From Korea webinar by clicking here!

During this webinar you will learn more about the process and paperwork involved with adopting from Korea. We will also discuss the eligibility requirements of Korea in more detail. Not sure of the requirements? Please see the Korea program page. You will also hear from a family who is home with their son.

Heather, Korea program coordinator, hosts the webinar. She has lots of experience assisting families during their adoption. Heather has been the Korea program coordinator for several years and has been a part of many happy families. She is a true asset to families and is looking forward to helping you grow your family through adoption.