Happy Boy Adopted from Korea

During this webinar you will learn more about the process and paperwork involved with adopting from Korea. We will also discuss the eligibility requirements of Korea in more detail. Not sure of the requirements? Please see the Korea program page. You will also have the opportunity to hear from a family who is home with their son and ask them questions.

Heather, Korea program coordinator, will host the webinar. She has lots of experience assisting families during their adoption. She has been the Korea program coordinator for several years and has been a part of many happy families coming together. Heather is a true asset to families and she is looking forward to helping you grow your family through adoption.

Join us to learn more!
Date: Monday, March 15, 2010
Time: 6:00 pm EDT
Register Today

My wife and I were married for almost three years when we were blessed in 1996 with our daughter, Maria. When Maria was two we decided to try for #2 and assumed that deciding was getting because that had been our experience with her. I will spare the details (mainly because they are typical), but in spite of our best efforts we found ourselves waiting and hoping. When we reached our early 40’s, I became acutely concerned about the risks of pregnancy for my wife (principally cancers later in life, etc.) and the increased risks of an abnormal fetus development. My wife accepted this reluctance, and she began to suggest the possibility of adoption.

I struggled with the adoption idea mightily. Though my perspective had definitely tempered with age from my youthful proclamation, adoption in any form seemed like a messy endeavor. We knew of couples that waited for years in the process of adopting domestic children through private legal channels; some were manipulated by would-be birth mothers. Alternately, we were both intimidated by the public foster program and the specter of becoming involved in complex and possibly painful domestic situations. And, I, in particular, found the only other option, international adoption, overwhelming— seemingly so complicated, expensive, and emotionally uncertain on many levels. It all seemed insurmountable to me.

Yet, there was an empty chair that remained at our table and in our hearts. Oh, we did (and do) adore our daughter. But our desire hung in the air. We repressed and delayed; then, shortly after the New Year in 2004, my wife suggested that we go to an information session on international adoption at the public library— no obligation, one hour and we’re out. So we went. It was fairly much as I had expected since we had some exposure to the process through casual acquaintances that had done international adoptions. But it cracked open the window if ever so slightly for me. I suppose that I began to ponder that not only did we want a child, but there were children in the world that desperately needed us as well. My wife and I started talking about it with some frequency. We discussed different options and began to educate ourselves about the various programs and agencies. Still, I came back to a reluctance that I felt was deeply-seeded. It was just too much to digest. I told my wife I didn’t think I could do it, and we backed off. So, this void remained now seemingly forever.

Months passed, and we stayed consumed by life as usual. Discussion of adoption came up now and then, but we had been down that road it seemed. Then one evening my wife was reminiscing about how much she had loved the Korean students she had taught as a TA when she was in graduate school in Virginia. Coincidentally at that same time there was a family with a young adopted Korean son that we often saw at church; he was adorable and impossible not to admire. In the course of our conversation I made the statement (I am sure principally with the image of that little boy in my mind), “I wish Korean adoption was available to us; I think I could do that.” The reason that I framed it in those terms was that in our previous investigations we found that Korean adoption programs did not exist in our home state of South Carolina. And, likely because I believed Korea was not an option, the statement was an easy one to make in the moment. But, my wife took my words at face value. A couple of days later on a wistful lark she Googled: “Korean adoption” + “South Carolina”; she assumed it would come to nothing, but up popped a link to Carolina Adoption Services of Greensboro, North Carolina. Sure enough, this agency, in partnership with the Family and Children’s Agency of Connecticut, had only recently been able to offer a Korean adoption program to the residents of the Carolinas— the first of its kind in many years in the region. My wife read through the details. It was for real, and she called me. I was at once excited upon hearing the news, but I quickly felt on the hot seat and unsure if I really meant what I had said a few nights before. But, I wasn’t about to prick my wife’s obvious excitement, and I said, “let’s call them”.

It all lined up. CAS was a top-drawer agency, the partner agency, FCA, had successfully completed many Korean adoptions over the course of many years, and the Korean process was as air tight as it got in the international or domestic adoption world: available infants (4-6 months), loving foster care prior to adoption, highly reliable health screenings and record keeping, and a sterling oversight organization in Korea (the Republic of Korea Social Welfare Society). Now I was truly cornered, so to speak. The way was obviously clear. But, could I make the leap? Yet, for whatever reason and in spite of the years of accumulation against the idea, more of me wanted to do it than not. I suppressed any opposition, and we mailed off an application just before Thanksgiving, 2004. Our adoption process had begun.

The review and submittal elements of the process went smoothly. However, every week that passed seemed to be creating a longer shadow for me both internally and from external influences. On my own I had a hidden voice telling me that this was somehow a compromise. That feeling was reinforced when we would note that some people were seemingly more indifferent than excited when we told them of our plans. In fact, when revealing a specific example of this occurrence to a close family member, I was told outright by that person, “well it’s not like you told them you were pregnant.” Clearly, transracial adoption represented a sort of contradiction to certain elements of our southern culture which elevate the value of appearance and conformity. And, in fact, we were about to endeavor far beyond a mere breach of these unspoken boundaries. We would become what the social professionals term “conspicuous”— highly so, I guess, with an Asian child. But, for whatever reason, we were compelled toward Korea rather than the more Anglo Eastern European programs. And, surprisingly, the tepid acceptance of others created within me something more of a resolve rather than despair.

Yet, as I began to work beyond the superficial boundaries of appearance and convention, I wondered on a deeper level if it was right to impose (maybe overwhelm) our culture on an innocent Asian child with no voice in the matter. Would he feel a part of our society and family (he because the first child adopted from Korea is nearly always a boy)? Would he be unfairly labeled, profiled or teased? Would he ultimately feel isolated? Could he cope? I just could not see my way clear on this matter and expressed my mounting concerns to my wife. Her response, measured and wise as always, was: “he’ll take his cues from us, and he’ll be fine”. And, I knew from my parental experience, such as it was, that she was right. When a parent is confident and reassuring, a child nearly always becomes so. This counsel gave me consolation.

The winter of 2005 became the spring, and I worked to slay my emotional dragons. As I have related, I addressed the specific matters as I could identify them. But I still was left with a general foreboding. I wondered if backing out would bring relief. About this time I happened on an article in some of our adoption prep materials which was written by a single woman that adopted a daughter from China. The article was titled “The Daughter Who Nearly Wasn’t”; it detailed how she called her agency the night before she was to leave for China and told them she had changed her mind because of a last-minute panic attack. However, her grief about this decision was so great by the morning that she called back and was still able to go. Of course, the story ended happily, and she encouraged the reader in a similar position to be reassured that doubt was normal. That was so helpful.

Then, on May 2, 2005, the referral package arrived: pictures, a social profile, medical records, and foster parent observations. A tiny Korean baby boy. I struggled to connect in looking at his pictures; and the details of the information, though normal, were intimidating. My anxiety ramped, and we were given 48 hours to decide whether we wanted to accept the referral. We electronically submitted the packet information to the international adoptee medical experts at the University of Minnesota. Several hours later the director of the program called to tell us, “Accept it; that’s as good as it gets. Congratulations.” So we did. Now we were no more than a few weeks away, and I just wanted to suspend time so that I could deal with all of my competing emotions— delay, I guess.

His pictures went on our refrigerator. I looked at them several times a day and wondered how it was all going to work out; I never envisioned anything like this.

On July 4th the call came. Our request for an escort was accepted, the visa was finalized, and “our” son would be arriving in the Atlanta airport for us to meet in three days. Very little sleep occurred for me over the next three nights— mainly a lot of tossing and turning.

On “The Day”, we arrived at the Atlanta airport several hours ahead of time from our home in Greenville, SC to make absolutely certain that we were in place. Because of the special circumstances, we were allowed on the terminal by airport security. And so, we got to the gate for the final leg of our wait. This was surreal. What had we done? We were going to be leaving a public airport terminal with a child from a foreign culture to raise as our own. We were as white bread and conventional as you got….. Those few hours seemed interminable; I felt like I aged ten years.

Finally, a plane arrived. After several minutes a Korean grandmother-type emerged with a baby in a carrying sling. In a rush, we identified ourselves; this woman, Jae’s escort for the past 24 hours of travel, passed the little guy to my wife and eagerly attached the sling to her. He was so groggy he couldn’t hold his head up. We had a brief exchange with the woman through an interpreter on our cell phone. Then, with a now sleeping baby boy, we hurried off to help her find waiting family, and we headed for our car.

The next few moments will always be among the most memorable and cherished of my life. We arrived at the car eager to truly look at him. We un-tethered him from the sling and laid him down in the open hatch-back to examine and change him. He had come awake; and as we truly settled our gaze on his little face for the first time, he broke into the biggest, toothless grin I had ever seen in my life. My knees nearly buckled under me— a rapture of pure joy. My heart seemed to leap out of my chest and seal around that little boy JUST the same way and as instantaneously as it had the morning the doctor handed Maria to me in the delivery room. I fought back my tears. The years of longing and months of anxiety gave way to sheer elation and explosive emotional relief. Everything with the world was right. How could I have ever worried?

That was the platform from which our life with Jae was launched; it continues upward like a rocket and will not end. Any parent in their right mind will tell you that it is impossible to quantify the love for a child because it is boundless. And, I can honestly attest from having experienced both, there is no distinction between a biological connection and an adoptive one. It is one of the great miracles of life.

And so, I would convey to the reader who may be pondering an adoption and wondering what it would really be like and whether they are up to it: DON’T MISS IT!. Don’t listen to any of “them” (yourself or others); adoption is just as special, just as powerful, and just as complete as any pathway to becoming a parent. And, all of the perceived biological, social, cultural, or physical differences on the surface become points of interest and celebration. If it were possible to glimpse the love you know at the completion, you would go anywhere and do anything for that one you are given, red, yellow, black or white.

Bill B.

January, 2010

Are you looking to complete your family? We have received the referral for twin, 10 year-old boys from Eastern Europe. They are considered healthy with developmental delays which may be overcome with time in a structured, family environment. Pictures and medical information are available for qualified families who are interested. For more information please contact our Waiting Child Coordinator, Angela Jackson.

A Very Special Little Girl

We are looking for a very special family to adopt a 5 ½ year old little girl from Eastern Europe. This little girl is diagnosed with spina-bifida, “internal” hydrocephaly and “lower languid paralysis.” Pictures and medical information are available for qualified families who are interested. For more information please contact our Waiting Child Coordinator, Angela Jackson.

Children Available:

Age: 6 months and older

Parents Requirements:

Age: 25-55 years of age
Marriage: Married 2 years or Single women
Residence: Must live in NC, SC, or VA

Estimated Process Timeline:

From dossier to referral: 6-18 months
From referral to travel: 2-6 months
Travel: 5-7 days

This is a network program with Wide Horizons for Children (WHFC)to offer you a seamless adoption process. CAS is licensed to provide your homestudy service in NC, SC, and VA. WHFC will provide placement services. The Ethiopia page will be up on our website soon and will have detailed information about the adoption process in Ethiopia.

For more information about the Ethiopia Adoption program contact Angela Jackson, program coordinator. If you are ready to begin your adoption apply today.

January 29, 2010:
A little blond haired boy who is two and half years old waits in Moldova. He is adorable and in good health. However, he was recently diagnosed with neurofibromatosis 1 and needs genetic testing to confirm this diagnosis. The testing can be done by a blood sample through a clinic in Alabama. The cost to transport his blood sample internationally and complete the genetic test is about $1,700. This test will determine this child’s future. Will you help?

Please donate today to help this adorable little boy.

Remember to designate “Moldova Medical” on the form for your donation. If you send a check please note the designation on your memo line.

Read the U.S. State Department’s statement on Haitian orphans and adoption here.

We understand that Americans, moved by images of children in need, want to open their homes and adopt Haitian children. In view of this, a Haitian Adoption Waiting List has been created for families specifically interested in Haiti. By completing the Haitian Adoption Waiting List form you are assured a place on the waiting list, regular updates on the status of Haiti, and agency newsletters.

CAS Haiti Waiting List Form

Please consider making a donation to help the children of Haiti today.

Haiti has always been supportive of international adoption and the hope is that those sentiments will only increase as more and more children come into care due to the recent tragedy. However, as we’ve seen, the existing government has been virtually destroyed and it is impossible to predict how this will affect the timing and processing of international adoptions. Right now, the people of Haiti are in survival mode, leaving the state of international adoptions low on the list of priorities.

At this time we are unable to accept applications for the Haiti adoption program. If you would like to continue to receive updates on Haiti, please fill out the Request Information form and you will be added to our update list.

Please know that right now our main priority, along with that of the Joint Council on International Services and other humanitarian aid organizations, is ensuring the health and safety of the children and caregivers in Haiti. Substantial monetary aide is needed to allow the orphanage staff to buy the essential items necessary for survival. Please consider making a donation to our Haiti relief fund via our website. Click here to give to the needy orphans in Haiti.

If you are interested in growing your family through adoption at this time please consider the many waiting children worldwide. Visit our international programs to learn more about the countries and children available.

January 19, 2010:Secretary Napolitano after receiving support from numerous NGO’s, members of Congress, Joint Council on International Children’s Services and adoption service providers has made the decision to allow children who qualify and were previously matched with American families to enter the United States. There are two categories of children who may be permitted to enter the U.S. – there are children with adoptions that were previously finalized and children who have been matched with American families and declared orphans but for whom their adoptions have not been completed. Families with matches of children have been instructed to submit detailed information to the Department of Homeland Security who will in turn forward this information to the U.S. Embassy in Port au Prince, the Department of State and members of Congress. At this time children should not be taken to the U.S. Embassy as it is considered an unsecured location. Much more information will be forthcoming as the process is ironed out for these children to legally be processed at the Embassy and escorted to the United States to be united with their adoptive families. This news greatly impacted two of our families waiting to bring their children home.

January 18, 2010: Carolina Adoption Services has heard directly from our orphanage Director. He told us that the main orphanage building collapsed over the weekend and the children had to be moved to another orphanage for their safety. The Director made it to the Dominican Republic to receive a wire of aid and purchase needed supplies for the orphans. The journey is long and hard and we are hopeful that aid will make it to the orphanage from the supplies arriving in Haiti. We also learned that our orphanage Directors lost their son in the earthquake, please keep them in your thoughts as well.

January 15, 2010: JCICS(Joint Council on International Children’s Services) is asking that all families in process of adopting from Haiti join the Haitian Adoptive Parent and Orphan Database, which is available on their website, www.jcics.org. Collection of this information is critical in ensuring that those children who qualify can get their visa expedited.

January 15, 2010:A post on the Red Cross blog site stated that the children and staff at Maison des Anges were all unharmed, but in need of food and water. The post also stated that the primary building had structural damage.

January 14, 2010: Carolina Adoption Services heard briefly from the orphanage that we work with in Haiti. All 90 children and staff are okay, but the orphanage has sustained damage. We are awaiting a list of needs for the orphanage and surrounding community and hope to receive this today. The largest concern is the children of Haiti and the availability of resources. The orphanage we work with and most others in Haiti are at maximum capacity and fear they will have to turn new orphaned children away without resources to care for them. As we receive news and needed items we will update our website.

If you would like to provide relief to the orphans and children affected by the earthquake, please Donate Today. On the donation page you may note that the donation is for Haiti Earthquake relief.

Local Carolina Adoption Services family shares their concerns about their son and Haiti.
Adopting Family Receives Good News, click here to see their story.